: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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