I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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