i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
