just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
