You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
