I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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