too bad you live with your parents still
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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