i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just had sex on a roof
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
