It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
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