I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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