After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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