its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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