So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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