You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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