He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
