My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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