is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
