i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
