you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
