When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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