Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Let's get the cat blown out
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