I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
