My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
