my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
