Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
