I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
