he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
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curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
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It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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