So squirting runs in the family.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
