Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
