so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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