Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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