I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have feelings that need drinking.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
