But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
