so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
