John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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