We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
