Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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