Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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