can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
