Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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