did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
