Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
