She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
