Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
