HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
