Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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