Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
