I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
