I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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