I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
