the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
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I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
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Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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