im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
