Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
