I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
