If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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