I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
