We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
