tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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