I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
