I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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