im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
