I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
