I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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