Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
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I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.