how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
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I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
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Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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