ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
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That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
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Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.