One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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