I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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