So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I am one with the molecules
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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